


Gift Giving

by zzzzzzzo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cultural Differences, Flowers, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 13:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1900242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzzzzzzo/pseuds/zzzzzzzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anyway though, you're way past worrying about that. It's not his gender that makes things confusing; it's his species. When you found out about the different types of romance trolls have, you had no idea what you were in for. It's really confusing! His culture is so different and weird, seriously. Even besides dating, Karkat does some odd stuff, like drinking your Listerine and stealing your stuff (and peeing on the carpet, but that was only one time, okay). After all this, it's no wonder that you're worried about entering his home, especially since you guys when planning this had decided to each bring the other a gift. Honestly, he could've gotten anything for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gift Giving

**Author's Note:**

> Another lovely prompt written, this one suggested by [Iris](http://knightofiris.tumblr.com/): _How about Karkat and John are just starting out as boyfriends/matesprits, but they don't know each others' culture very well so John brings a bouquet to their date and Karkat brings a freshly killed animal (like a squirrel or bird). I just imagine on Alternia bringing fresh kill to someone you pity is a form of wooing._ Thanks for the idea, especially since it's so adorable and silly! ^^ Enjoy~

You hesitate outside of Karkat's hive, staring at the door and swallowing heavily. You're a little nervous, to be honest. You only just recently started dating Karkat, and it's, well, strange. Not because he's a boy; you've dated other men as well as women since the game, after years of confusion over your sexuality. You really should have just gone to Rose right away, to be honest. You could've learned that asexuality was a Thing so much sooner.

Anyway though, you're way past worrying about that. It's not his gender that makes things confusing; it's his species. When you found out about the different types of romance trolls have, you had no idea what you were in for. It's really confusing! His culture is so different and weird, seriously. Even besides dating differences, Karkat does some odd stuff, like drinking your Listerine and stealing your stuff (and peeing on the carpet, but that was only one time, okay). After all this, it's no wonder that you're worried about entering his home, especially since you guys when planning this had decided to each bring the other a gift. Honestly, he could've gotten anything for you.

You linger by the door until your guilt gets the better of you. Knowing Karkat, he's probably even more nervous about this than you. You can easily imagine him right now, pacing by the door, probably sweating as heavily as that one guy he told you about, Equestria or something. Every second you waste out there will just make him more paranoid, and no, you don't really want that.

You knock.

The door opens instantaneously; no doubt he's been waiting right by it this whole time. He looks at you, clearly as taught as a strung bow. You attempt a smile. Those can help to calm him down sometimes. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he says after a moment. “Um.”

He's clearly agonizing over what to do next. You help him out. “Can I come in?”

He reddens, nodding and jerking out of the doorway. “Shit. Yeah.”

You step inside, waiting on the threshold and whistling as he fumbles with the door. He turns to you, leaning against it to steady himself. “Fuck. I have the thing in my room if you want to just fuck the huge goddamn elephant in the room up the ass right away.”

“Why fuck an elephant when you're right here?” You grin and waggle your eyebrows. Pissing him off is your strategy when he's nervous, and it's going swimmingly right now. He jerks upright and grabs the wrist of your free hand (the other is holding your gift for him, wrapped in a sheet loosely to keep a surprise). He drags you up to his, uh, whatever trolls call a bedroom and releases you to go fumble through a pile of movie cases. He makes a little triumphant noise when he finds what he's looking for, and turns to you, holding it behind his back.

“So.”

“Dibs on going second,” you go in a singsong voice. His eyes narrow.

“What the hell asshole, there is no fucking way in the strata that I will do that you squackbeast blowing shithead.”

“Did you just accuse me of sucking goose dicks?”

“What? Egbert d-”

“What even is a goose penis anyway?”

“John _no-”_

“Oh my god Karkat we  _have_ to google that-”

“ _Please-”_

“Holy shit, can we do that? Like, right now?”

He thrusts something at you, shoving it into your hand. You blink, slowly, paling as you feel short fur and something wet and sticky. Look down at your hand.

It's a fucking _dead squirrel._

You make an embarrassingly high noise, jerking your hand so it falls to the floor with a thump. “What the _hell,_ Karkat?” you shriek, wiping your palm vigorously against your pants. “That was too far!”

Karkat, oddly enough, looks just as flabbergasted as you. “What do you mean?” he asks, offended. “I give you your fucking gift and you slam it on the ground? What the hell, were you raised in a human barn?”

You stare at him, nose wrinkled and still really grossed out to be honest. “Wait, hold up, what? _That's_ what trolls get their for matesprites?”

“It's matesprit,” he snaps, “and yes, obviously.”

“... _Why?”_

“Isn't it obvious?” He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing as if he is just so done with the whole world. “It's a sign of pity. It's a fucking symbol showing that I care about your pathetic ass and would attempt to help and support you rather than taking advantage of your weakness, because I pity you more than anyone in the goddamn world. And you take that, and _throw it on the fucking ground._ ” He actually looks kind of upset. “It's the greatest gift you can give to a quadrant,” he continues, more quiet and subdued. “It's... a sign that you want this to be something permanent. I've never... I've fucking _never_ done this for anyone before.”

Oh _shit._ Your chest tightens as you realize you basically just got, like, troll proposed to, and threw the ring on the ground. Wow. Oops.

“Oh. Um. Sorry. I didn't...” You trail off, not sure how to tell him how that's actually really, really gross for humans. You try, but you just. Can't. He looks so _crestfallen_ , it's not fair.

 _I cannot_ believe _I am doing this,_ you think, as you pick the thing up and smile tightly at him, cringing a little as you do. “Wow, that's really actually kind of amazing. Thanks.” On top of the whole freaking out over touching a dead animal, you also have to freak out over the symbol of the damn thing, oh god. You flush, before not even really processing that. You got that it was like a troll proposal almost, but only now do you realize that _Karkat_ troll proposed to _you._ Oh god.

“Yeah,” he goes, still pretty quiet. You seriously fucked up, jeez. “Anyway!” He increases his volume abruptly, clearly wanting to change the subject. “Can I just, fucking. See whatever vile gift you got me out of some deranged human custom?”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess so.” You put down the squirrel on a shelf (not because it's at all disgusting of course, you just need a free hand. Honestly) and pull the sheet off, revealing the bouquet with a flourish. You went to Jade earlier asking about flowers and their meanings and, after learning there is no flower meaning “you have a great butt,” you settled for red roses (love) and thyme (courage), cause he's one of the most brave and loving people you know, or something. You guess. You aren't that good at this flower stuff, to be honest.

Karkat furrows his brows, taking the bouquet from you slowly. “...Thanks.” He sounds a bit unsure, but there's no freaking out on his part. It's clear who's better at culturally sensitive gift giving here.

He then carefully pulls the flower part of the rose off the stem, and starts chewing on it.

...What the hell.

“Um, Karkat?”

He wrinkles his nose, spitting the mangled petals into his hand with a grimace. “Eugh. What?”

You hesitate. You were going to say something about how he's not supposed to eat them, but... “You know what? Never mind. Do you like 'em?”

“They taste fucking _awful_ ,” he grumps immediately. Pauses, and his eyes soften as he looks at the bouquet. “They are rather pretty though. What do flowers mean for humans?”

“Well, we don't have something where, like, giving them in general really means a specific thing or whatever. You can give flowers to anyone, lovers, friends, children, dead people... But! Certain kinds are supposed to symbolize things.” You step closer, indicating which is which as you explain. “Red roses mean love, and thyme means bravery.”

“...Oh,” Karkat blinks at you, or more specifically your close proximity. “Thank you.” He tiptoes to kiss you softly. Jerks back suddenly to sneeze.

“Hehe, sounds like someone has a cold.”

“Fuck off, I don't...” His voice lacks it's usual bite. He seems distracted, rubbing an eye and frowning intently.

 

\---

 

Later on, you realize Karkat has a pollen allergy of some sort. By the time you figure it out his symptoms have gotten much worse, eyes heavily teary, sneezing too constantly to speak, throat scratchy no doubt from his attempt to eat one. You have to run to the drug store to find something to help him, and reluctantly toss the gift in the trash on your way. Oh, well. It had been fun while it lasted.

You decide that next time you get him a present, you'll give him a dead animal as well. A fish, in fact. As you learned in your lessons about flowers, salmon is for passion.

 


End file.
